As is sit there in the the hairdressers today waiting to have my hair done. I begin to dread the progress. Looking at the time, I realise I wont be getting out for around a couple of hours. Don't get me wrong I love having my hair done. But the fact I have to sit here and continue staring at myself, for most certainly way to long, makes me begin to consider cutting my own hair at home. (Okay maybe not) but you get the idea. I sit myself down on to the hard seat, and sit incredibly upright with my legs crossed and my hands placed firmly in my lap. I look in to the mirror. I look tight and uneasy. Trying to relax I let go of my shoulders and slouch a bit in the chair. The scissors approach my head, and conversation starts.
After a while, me and the young lady who is cutting my hair soon run out of things to talk about, with my attention no longer on her, and with no where else to look, I know what is coming. I lift my head so I am directly facing the mirror...and I begin to stare at myself.
My hair is wet and slick back.
Here you are faced with yourself. Your bare face. No hair. No make-up (As I stupidly choose today.) There is no longer anything to hide behind.
Have you ever stared at your face so long you begin to look completely different? almost like a stranger? Well yes. I sure have, (today for instance.)
Mirrors are evil. Especially this mirror. Never before had I realised how large my nose was, I began feeling incredibly insecure. My skin seemed inflated and puffy. (Possibly from the heat of the hair dryer.) But that's beside the point. That tiny blemish that seemed the size of a pin head when I left the door, suddenly now seems the size of a cockroach on my face. Why do these mirrors have to be so god damn clean? My hair being fiddled with and messed around. I start to become even more insecure. I feel as if people are watching me, staring at me. Looking at all my insecurities and imperfections.
I begin to wonder if this is what every woman feels like when getting there hair done? I look around the salon and women everywhere are just like me, trying to avoid their own reflection. Looking down at there feet, and left and right. Looking deep in to that cup of coffee they are drinking. Anywhere but straight ahead. Women seem that they will do anything to prevent looking at themselves, when they are not the ones in control of the way they look, and no other choice but to sit and stare. Judge even. I soon realise that I am not being stared at, at all. They are not looking for my imperfections (as I had once thought.) They are simply just looking for a distraction so they do not have to acknowledge their own.
Bye this time my hair is chopped, coloured, washed and combed, blow dried and hair sprayed right till every hair is in place. I again lift my head so I am directly facing the mirror...and I begin to stare at myself.
Feeling the complete opposite to how I had originally felt, looking in to that frightfully clean mirror. I smile to show the lady that I am pleased with the cut. Thanking and paying her I leave through the exit.
The gusts of wind immediately blows each hair on my head out of place. I brushed my hair out of my face and carry on walking down the street with my head held high. Suddenly realising I am again in the same position as I was in the salon. No hair. No make up. But without that dreaded mirror. I am not there to judge that stranger I was once looking at. I am now being judged by others, and that's certainly allot less scary than being judged by myself. No one judges us the way we judge ourselves. No one looks at those miner imperfections the way we look at our own. We are most definitely our own worst critics, and I do not know why we feel the need to be this way. Next time I am faced with myself. No hair. No make up. I think I will think much differently about myself.
Do not stare into a mirror when you are trying to solve a problem, simply take time to look away.
No comments:
Post a Comment