We write a billion words the same.

Okay so is it just me or has everyone started writing blog's recently? I started writing a blog a couple of months ago because I enjoy writing, I have things that I want to tell and writing them down always makes me feel much better. But c'mon.. Today I read a blog from a chav? Yes the 'Jezza Kyle' type are writing to! Since when was writing that kinda people's thing? I thought it was all 'weed and knifes?' Don't get me wrong I have nothing against 'chavs' and I really wouldn't mind who wrote blog's but really, when its about 'merkin' people (whatever that means) and simply not talking about anything remotely interesting, just simply calling each other 'sick men' - which is apparently a good thing? I really don't see the point? Following the heard and being a sheep, is the real reason your writing a blog. Because your friend is.. because that girl in your biology class is, because that person you most want to be like is. It doesn't matter what you write about as long as a few words are typed correctly. Actually fuck grammar altogether. "2day me nd smithy wnt 2 twn was mad mandem!!! got caut nickin a packat of s&v crisps. we ran away innit." Extremely genius. Not to mention the great advice about what to do if you ever get caught stealing salt and vinegar flavoured food. Brilliant.

I know it shouldn't but it really winds me up. I really don't know why but I find it incredibly irritating. Also something else that I find incredibly irritating.. when you write a blog, it takes you quite a while to write it and you put good thought in to what you put on the page, and when your eventually satisfied with it, been through the entire thing 100 times, lots of backspacing and pressing of the delete button, your eventually safe from spelling errors and incorrect grammar. 'Publish post'. BAM. One day later a blog from another 'blogger' which is incredibly and remotely similar to yours, and I mean extremely similar. Sometimes even a similar picture if your lucky?

Lets all write about the same things shall we? Lets all do the same things, and be the same people? No thank you. Lets be ourselves, let who you are, what you are and what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, and every piece of work you do. I would much prefer the world that way. Yes please and many thanks.

A step in the right direction.

So the days are getting closer and the nerves are building.. three days and what I have been wishing for, for so long will be here. A fresh start! A spark of excitement in my 'same old' life.
I didn't think starting new would be this scary, and the sick feeling wont seem to go away (maybe that's my hangover from the weekend?) but anyway..  I thought it would be easy, and I would glide in with my head up high and a confident look on my face. But as the days are getting closer I am thinking hell no to that, and thinking that I am going to be shuffling in on my first day of sixth form with my head in my hands and a timed look on my face. Ill most probably be the one who scatters quickly in to the bathroom at lunch, and eats her lunch in the cubicle on her own. One foot fast pacing in front of the other, and quickly ignoring the sketchy looks. Great. But I have cleverly come to the conclusion that if everyone hates me and I do have to eat my lunch in the toilet on my own, I will get awesome grades, as friends wont be a distraction! Genius idea Jennie, genius! Win win situation really? So anyway.. The day is fast approaching, and I think that I am prepared. Well with clothes and all that jazz. Choosing something to wear every single day is going to be a task in itself now isn't it. First outfit.. too lesbian librarian, second outfit.. too plane Jane, third outfit.. wow, I didn't realise how big my hips were. Forth, fifth, and sixth. Done it all before, nothing seems right and I again try on the first outfit that I had tried on in the first place, and it now seems the best option. Lesbian librarian it is today, so ill set of out of my bedroom door with my wardrobe now a state, and most probably spill my cereal down my chin and on to my top, or drop my toast butter side down on to my freshly washed skirt. Just my luck?
I am sure ill be the one tripping up, dropping my books, getting rained on and definitely getting pooped on by birds.. or my luck even larger animals.. I wonder what this 'sure to be eventful' day will hold.. But I know that this change is definitely a step in the right direction, whatever the outcome..

Heavy eyes.

After a night of an incredible amount of alcohol, naked bodies, wrestling for beds, tickle fights that end in injuries, beer pong, bruised heads from pull up bars (silly idea), and a walk home at half 7 in the morning, after absolutely no sleep at all and freezing to death. I can now safely and officially say that I am incredibly hungover. My head is throbbing and my eyes are tired. My eyes now closing and shutting down on me. 2 nights in a row, never again. With less than 3 hours sleep this morning, I think that I am in need of a nap. My new boots survived the night (kind of). If you forget about the beer being pored in the left one, and the slippery (no grip) bottom of them making me slip down the damn stairs. Smooth Jennie smooth...  Now with a carpet burnt elbow and hands, I regret wearing my silly (but hot) boots! Beer pong with no ping pong ball, just bottle caps and extremely warm beer. Only a good idea when already slaughtered, and no longer caring any more. Incredible amounts of body hair, to the extent where I didn't think it was possible, and the front garden now being the new quick and easy toilet. I think ill pass, and take those dreaded stairs (again). Why is it that half frozen pizza's taste so good in this drunken state? I don't care but it's going down. After being pushed of the sofa and giving up with crunching my body in to (another) uncomfortable position, just to fit on.. and the most irritating snoring you have ever heard in your life, (almost like a whistle of a farm animal.. whatever that would sound like?) I give up on sleep, and get up. No sleep and my eyes are heavy it half 6 and time to make the dreaded walk of shame home.. People getting up for work, driving past in their cars, they shoot devil stares our way. I just think of bed. Hitting the sheets its like heaven to my body. Out like a light. A flick of a switch, and I am dead to the world. I now regret waking up, and my beds calling me back. A paracetamol and a can of coke should do the trick! Nap time..

When pointing your finger at someone, remember that four of them are pointing straight back at you.

You think that something has gone, and it takes you time to get over it. Your emotions are back to normall and your finally getting back on track. One thing that can happen and it takes you back. Suddenly something that used to mean everything. Now means absolutely nothing. Your realising that again, but now really for certain. Tears fell and smiles turned to frowns. You think things will never get better but they do. But do these smiles to frown's allways come back to haunt us? I think so.. maybe it's just unfinished business? I don't know, but it never fails to turn my smile to a frown and let a tear drop from my eye. Maybe I am just overtired, and care way to much. But is it worth throwing this all down the drain? Throwing your entire past down the drain.. I don't know. I really don't. It hurts, and you wind me up. Your no bigger than me, so stop playing that way. Or on the other hand. Throwing what down the drain? there is no longer anything there to throw down the drain. I had never forgotten. I still care. I still carry feelings. Maybe you just forgot. Maybe you were just too busy, I guess it just slipped your mind, like my entire past will. Now go run and tell your friends how you messed with a mind. Made tears fall, and crushed a hundred memories. You play the game, and I can play it back.

The ending of something small, and the beginning of something big.

I have recently realised, that when things come to a great low.. and you think that things cant get any worse, you just cant handle any more. You  feel like just giving in completely. That is really when things start improving, when things really do start getting better. The sun peaks from behind the clouds, and the rain really does stop falling.
I believe that good things have to end eventually, so new ones can start. We have to be strong and pick ourselves up. We have to fail at some things, so that we can improve at others, and dealing with the ups and downs is just a way of life. A bump we have to take in our stride. These bumps are what makes us as individuals stronger. Being a strong person is what helps us succeed at life.

Every time I come across a bad patch in my life, afterwards somewhere along the line, I know I will be smiling again soon. I just have to take the path I believe is right to bring me out the other end. The happy end. I'm not saying it doesn't take time, and I'm not saying these bad things don't hurt. Because they do.. Life can be hard, and some things that life throws at us can rip our hearts out. But in the end you have to remember their will always be something, or someone waiting for you to bring that smile to your face. Whether it's fortune, love, music, family, friends. Even the little things like a good book, a funny movie, someone's corny jokes, a bad chat up line, even something simple like getting caught in the rain with an old friend. (Possibly if your lucky enough even catch a complete stranger picking his nose, that's always quite amusing!) We all have to laugh and smile, eventually... Happiness always returns. Trust me!

When happiness returns it's amazing, happiness only gets better and more exciting with age. Happiness gets stronger and it means more to you, making you really appreciate it more. Smiles, laughter. It's contagious. We all catch it. We all want and need it, it's really what keeps us all going.. Sometimes you just have to be prepared to let in happiness. Don't be afraid and don't hold back. It will just delay those smiles. As long as it takes, (and I must admit, sometimes it takes more than a few downs to get an up..) They do come, they really do.
Remember everyone feels the effects of life, these bumps in the road, so share your joy, even if it's a single smile. That one smile might make someone's day. :)

Dream Big...

So my alarm rung this morning, it wasn't one of those where you painfully try to open your eyes to click the snooze button. It was one of those where your already awake, but just waiting for the alarm to ring to actually get up. (I still have 3 minutes left in bed, and i will use that time dearly!). So when the clock reached 9.00 I jumped striaght out of bed and started getting ready. Excitment and nerves kicked in and i started getting a little rumbeling feeling in my stomach.( Nerves maybe, but probably just because I needed breakfast.) But I did get that butterflies feeling. I was recieving my exam results this morning and I was utterly and truely. Shitting it. I now had no other worries but this one. Everything else was blanked out and this was my head goal. I rushed to get ready, gobbled my cereal down and set of in the car to get them! Thoughts rushing through my head about what I would do if I didn't received the grades that I wanted and needed. I had now began to panic and the 5 minute car journey seemed to last forever. When we finally arrived there were already people waiting outside, and I sneakily scattered to the front of the queue just in time, for the head to tell us they were ready for us to go through. My heart was beating faster than ever. Everyone's faces filled with worry, and nervous smiles. Heading towards the door...

 I made my way to that very important envelope. The teacher handed it to me with a smile on her face "good luck" she told me. I smiled politely. Opening it I could see my hands shacking uncontrollably. I took a deep breath and pulled the crisp white sheet of paper, out of the brown envelope.. My lips began to widen as my eyes rolled down the page, joy was projected all over my face and I turned around to flash a huge smile at my parents, I rushed over to them, to show them what I had achieved and those 5 words all daughters and sons want to hear from there parents on results day came to my ears. 'I am proud of you' Just to hear them say that made my heart beat twice as fast. My face was glowing with happiness, and it made me feel that what I had achieved over the last two years, and all the work that I had put in had been worth it! I achieved much greater than I had ever once thought I could. I'm extremely proud of myself.

I know what I want in the future now, and that is my set goal. From now on that is my focus. I am going to put my education first, and make sure that I achieve what I want from life, and get to places that I want to get to. Their are no limits to what we can achieve. Dream big. :)

Head Fuck.

Tossing and turning in bed last night, after possibly the worst night in forever.. My night just seems to keep getting worse. One thing can make an awful night in to a incredibly dreadful night. Tonight it's not only one thing it's everything, bundled and wrapped up in to one. My feet ache, and my head hurts, thoughts running through my head, and I just cant seem to budge them. I really think that in this 'bed state' I just over think things when I shouldn't, and possibly care way to much about things that I shouldn't. But I just cant help it.. I sit up in bed strolling through hundreds of texts, trying to make myself sleepy, reading the same ones over and over again, at early hours of the morning...(The sleepiness doesn't kick in...The bright light of my phone, just makes me even more awake.) Why is this? Why cant I god damn sleep. The good thoughts now seem so far away, and the bad ones just seem to hurl them selves in your face. There is no escaping. Hundreds of thoughts keeping me awake. Running through my head. Give me a rest. So much worry, and I really don't know why? Why is it that when your in bed, all you do is think, over analyse everything, and make yourself feel really quite stupid. As I finally fall asleep, I have not yet received the worst... My dreams now turn to head fucks and every hour I awake, too remember the head fuck so very clearly, and again fall asleep and fall back in to another one. I awake in the morning to a loud and incredibly annoying vibration sound in my ear. Ignoring it just seems to make it hurt my head more. I'm up. And again those thoughts come running back. My head throbs and I need peace of mind. I must get out of bed so I don't think in my 'bed state'. Lets keep myself busy. Here comes another day..

Spring clean.

So today I was sat bored out of my mind. Once again. Everyone was out, and Facebook was yet again boring the hell out of me. Walking backwards and forwards to the fridge, and time after time still finding not a thing to eat. I took my boredom to my bedroom... Thinking it was a good idea to have a good spring clean and change my room around a bit, I had been wanting to do this for a while, so I got started. 3 and a half hours later. I now realise that was a bad idea.. Now with a TV that no longer switches on, draws that wont stay in, achy legs, sore back and burnt fingertips. I now wish I had never got started on that 'spring clean'. Although I have to give myself some credit my room looks the cleanest it's been in years! I also got rid of 5 big bags of junk out my room, which I am quite happy with. Old junk which consists of.. Millions and millions of stretched hair slides, numerous foreign coins, old magazines back from 'Summer 08' dusty play station controllers, (since when did I play, play station?), crisp and chocolate packets, old notes from school.. for example 'omg! do u fancy her! :o' (proves in itself how old they are.) A £2 coin which I was actually quite pleased about! numerous unopened bubble baths from past Christmas's from uncle's and aunties. Also 3 different types of slippers non of which were pairs. (Which I used to dust!)
When cleaning out my room, I came across some things that brought back some of the strangest and most wonderful memories I have had, also ones that I wish I had forgotten. For example.. I came across a ticket to see 'much to do about nothing' A play I went to see with school 2 years ago for an English trip I believe. The name of the play speaks for itself. It really wasn't about anything at all. That was possibly the hardest 3 hours of my life. Sitting there in absolute silence. No talking at all. The teachers were on to us like eagles! If they saw any type of mouth movement their heads would dart straight round, and that's when your in trouble! I remember enjoying the ice cream at half time though!
Scattering through my room a little more, I came across a green silk pair of Chinese slippers, they came in a matching silk slipper case. I clearly remember my grandma giving me these slippers when I was much younger. They were perched between my bed and my wall, and had been for a fairly long time. After brushing the dust off, I took them out of the slipper case and put them on my feet. It was clear that they had never been worn. They were incredibly uncomfortably and tight on my feet, (just as new shoes are.) So I took them off pretty quick. But when placing them back in the slipper case I did think of my grandma which I occasionally do, and I always have the same memory. Me and my sister in the front garden in our swimming costumes jumping over the sprinkler, and grandma splashing us with the hose. Odd memory to always think back to, but this is one of many that I occasionally do. Thinking of her made me smile. After crawling around on the floor and realising I had gained some wonderful carpet burn on my knee's, I then came across a cider lid. I budged my bed to the side of my room, and underneath... this cider lid was staring straight at me. (me and cider do not have a great past.) Everyone does it once and they never do it again. Cider was my worst enemy one night when I was incredibly nervous, incredibly young and obviously incredibly stupid. This night consisted of.. a 3ltr bottle of frosty jacks cider, police men firing questions at me like a game show, orange running trainers, stupid drunk texts, not being able to spell my own name, a incredibly long walk home (which ended in blisters), numerous amount of vomiting, and the best night sleep I have ever had. I must not forget a red face for the next two weeks, until people found new news to talk about. That cider lid went straight in the bin! After moving the bed back and finishing my room, I sit here in pain. My back throbs from carrying a gigantic TV (probably the weight of myself,) and I need my bed. My knee's are red raw and I need a pillow under my head, I need some shut eye. I'm so glad I have work in the morning which means I don't have to sleep in and waste the day away, also get my back better! But instead can wash and clean the salon floor and make it worse. oh joy. Remind me never to spring clean again? Worst idea ever.

The body is meant to be seen not all covered up. - Marilyn Monroe.

Laying in the bath this morning I caught a gimps of myself in the little round mirror on the sink side. It was pointing straight at me, and I could see exactly what I looked like. No dim light, (in fact the sun was brighter than ever, shinning through the crystal window.) No clothes to flatter my body, no fake tan, no make up. No where to hide. My body was naked and bare, and for possibly the first time in my life. Instead of staring in disgust and getting up to turn the mirror away... I as a teenage girl, was happy with the way my body looked. 

This is a rare that a teenage girl ever feels completely satisfied, with the way her body looks. Lumps to bumps. Scars to stretch marks. Small boobs, big boobs, wobbly tummies, no curves even to many curves. Legs that touch in the middle, too skinny, too boney, cant loose weight, Freckles and moles. Dark hair, no hair. Too short, too tall. We all have our body issues, and we all deal with them in different ways. What not to do but many of us choose to.. Hiding our bodies away, going on freak diets, extreme working out sessions, binge eating, even surgery. I have come to the conclusion that the media is one of the main reasons, that so many of us young women feel so insecure in the way we look. Magazines advertising their new hip (extreme) diet, that recommends you to eat less than 700 calories a day. (Much less than half of what you are supposed to be eating!) These extreme diets can lead to eating disorders such as, anorexia and bulimia. I think it is wrong that the media makes so many of us feel this way. The media targets their articles and adverts, at young women and teenagers. Always the 'perfect' beach bod and newest celebrity diet. Who is to say what 'perfect' is? Who is to say what we are 'supposed' to look like?

Men are also a big influence on the way women see there body. Glamour models and porn, put pressure on women to look and perform, in the way that these women do on set and on a film role. 

I don't think men realise the impact one comment they make can have on a woman's self confidence.

I always remember when I was much younger I used to be a little chubby, an older boy made a comment to me about my weight, and since then I have never forgotten what he said to me. Ironically he started chatting me up the other day.. and that snide comment that he made to me when I was younger. stuck right in my head. No doubt he wouldn't have remembered. But I quickly fobbed him off and ended the conversation. 

So why are we so hard on ourselves about or body? Why do we have to constantly compare ourselves to others? Be your own person. We are all gifted with the body we were given, all shapes and sizes. What would we gain from all looking the same? Looking 'perfect'. What is perfect? There is no such thing... 

Confidence is key. 

If you appear confident you will naturally look more sexy and happy in your skin. Learn to love your bodies the way you are. Those people who appreciate your inner beauty not the size of your waste are the ones worth keeping. :) 

Adults under threat act like children.

I don't know if it is just me, but I have recently realised that adults take advantage of young people, and show them lack of respect. The papers blab on about 'yobs' and how they treat adults, (and I don't disagree with that. Silly chavs.) But I think there is also a problem with the way (some) adults treat young people around my age. 

For example... The other day I was stood in the bank waiting to get some money out. (Money I didn't really have to spend, damn it.) But anyway, there was no one else in there, so it was pretty quite and I was at the front of the queue. There was two women sat behind the glass windows, laughing and joking and having there tea. They both gave me a good stare, then quickly looked away, realising that I was young they both carried on drinking there tea, and pretending they hadn't realised that I was there, when they most obviously had! They carried on glugging there tea and talking for a while ignoring my incredibly loud huffs and puffs, until the doors opened again, and a middle aged woman with a young child walked in. They both put there tea down immediately. Flashed a fake smile and asked me to come on over. I would hate to know how much longer I would have been waiting, if that other woman had not walked in. Things like this irritate me hugely. Another incident that was incredibly irritating.. I was walking through town with a bunch of my friends, also quite recently, and a fairly old man walked straight in to me. No excuse me. No pardon. He actually pushed me out of his way using his hand on my shoulder. He pushed me right out of his way hard enough, so I almost tripped backwards. I was actually gobsmacked. No way would he have done that to a older woman nor man. Both the women in the bank and this arrogant man both knew that because I was a young; that they could get away with it as I wouldn't speak up. I just don't understand what they gain from this lack of respect, that they gave me? 
These are not the only incidents that have happened. There have been many many more. I am now sick of snobby adults believing that they are better than someone because of there age, and I think it's about time they ironically 'grow up' a little and show some respect.  Adults find pleasure in disrespecting young people. They consider it necessary to make themselves feel powerful and in control. Well done. Incredibly grown up. 

The Grasshopper.

Each and everyone of of us girls knows what I like to call... a Grasshopper. A Grasshopper is a girl or woman, who jumps over other women to gain a man. Then jumps from man to man to gain that much needed male attention. Like a Grasshopper that jumps from place to place. (Hence the name.)

The type of woman that tells all the men "women don't like me.. and I just don't know why" (followed by an innocent look, and a bit of pouting, and occasional some eyelash fluttering.) Here she wants boys to think that women are jealous of her beauty and or talents. But really women do not like her, because she would do absolutely anything, to get that man she wants. Stab any friend in the back for even a pinch of male attention. In fact she craves male attention. Thrives from the looks and stares. But in reality if she doesn't calm down, those looks she craves will not be good ones. Already us females know these women. We can spot a Grasshopper within 5 minutes of meeting one, and quickly befriend them. This is why they will have very little females friends. Mainly because they have used them, stomped and trampled on them to get that much precious man, who will use the Grasshopper just like she has to those 'friends' she once had. 

The Grasshopper will get a quick glimpse of male attention. A flash of what she wants, and next time try twice as hard. Stab twice as many people in the back to get what she wants. 

How to spot a Grasshopper-

Grasshoppers will hang out in places you find men (the pub watching football for example). This girl does not like playing football nor enjoy watching. She simply pretends to watch while actually eyeing up her pray. (By her pray.. I mean your boyfriends.)

Grasshoppers will wear a face full of make up and do there hair before they go to the gym to 'work out'. 

Grasshoppers feel the need to act stupid around men. (pretending they cant spell their last name for example.)

Grasshoppers will pretend they are best friends with boys but really shag them all, (and yours.)

Grasshoppers will get angry when other women get involved in there 'hunt'. 

Grasshoppers show a little to much leg, and a little to much chest, normally at the same time. (ever heard of less is more?)

Grasshoppers lie incredibly well. They will tell any unthinkable lie to make a man feel sorry for them. After receiving that much needed male attention, they will continue in their web of lies. Happily.  

Lastly Grasshoppers will change themselves to make that man want them. Be someone completely different to please that man.  

I have had many bumps with these types of women and I hope not to cross paths with many more, but I am sure I will. The lengths some women go to for a man. Not even a man. Just some attention. I want to say that I feel sorry for them, but I really don't. I have been tredded on and used too many times by these Grasshoppers, to any longer feel any type of affection for them. I hope there is karma. I really do. This blog was to warn any normal women out there, of these Grasshoppers. Please be aware!

Love makes fools of those who habitually speak most fluently.

So I was looking through photos of my parents when they were younger, and they look so happy together. Sounds corny but 'love' (as they call it) actually burns off the picture. I look at pictures now and they are still happy as ever. Smiles cover the page, ear to ear smiles. My parents were lucky. They met when my Mother was just 16 and my Papi 18. Papi was in the air force so they got married, and basically lived happily ever after, (excluding the occasional rumbles all couples have.) 

But it gets me thinking. Do you really need another person. Someone to love, and to be loved back to make you happy? Are we not capable of being happy alone? Or do we really need someone else so give us ear to ear smiles, and photographs that burn love, to be happy? 

I would love to know millions of questions on love, but there is no guide book.. Who is there to turn to when wanting to know.. love changes, or does it really just stay the same? 

Are we really only half a person without that 'otherhalf' as they call it.

Being with someone. Knowing someone out there wants to call you 'mine'. Is that really what each and everyone of us is living for? Is that truly what we have been put on this earth for? To find the one and reproduce? To keep the human race going...? Is our life, simply just planned for us from the day we are born, to the day we die? Well what happens if we don't succeed these goals.. If we do not get married? Find that 'otherhalf'? Do not have kids? Then what? Does this mean that we have not succeeded in life? Why is their so much pressure?
Our we doing this for ourselves or really just to pass life's task. Be successful. 

So many questions I would like to ask. 

Loves like trying to read a foreign language wrote down on a dirty piece of paper. 

When looking for faults use a mirror not a telescope.

As is sit there in the the hairdressers today waiting to have my hair done. I begin to dread the progress. Looking at the time, I realise I wont be getting out for around a couple of hours. Don't get me wrong I love having my hair done. But the fact I have to sit here and continue staring at myself,  for most certainly way to long, makes me begin to consider cutting my own hair at home. (Okay maybe not) but you get the idea. I sit myself down on to the hard seat, and sit incredibly upright with my legs crossed and my hands placed firmly in my lap. I look in to the mirror. I look tight and uneasy. Trying to relax I let go of my shoulders and slouch a bit in the chair. The scissors approach my head, and conversation starts.

After a while, me and the young lady who is cutting my hair soon run out of things to talk about, with my attention no longer on her, and with no where else to look, I know what is coming. I lift my head so I am directly facing the mirror...and I begin to stare at myself.
My hair is wet and slick back.
Here you are faced with yourself. Your bare face. No hair. No make-up (As I stupidly choose today.) There is no longer anything to hide behind.

Have you ever stared at your face so long you begin to look completely different? almost like a stranger? Well yes. I sure have, (today for instance.)
Mirrors are evil. Especially this mirror. Never before had I realised how large my nose was, I began feeling incredibly insecure. My skin seemed inflated and puffy. (Possibly from the heat of the hair dryer.) But that's beside the point. That tiny blemish that seemed the size of a pin head when I left the door, suddenly now seems the size of a cockroach on my face. Why do these mirrors have to be so god damn clean? My hair being fiddled with and messed around. I start to become even more insecure. I feel as if people are watching me, staring at me. Looking at all my insecurities and imperfections.

I begin to wonder if this is what every woman feels like when getting there hair done? I look around the salon and women everywhere are just like me, trying to avoid their own reflection. Looking down at there feet, and left and right. Looking deep in to that cup of coffee they are drinking. Anywhere but straight ahead. Women seem that they will do anything to prevent looking at themselves, when they are not the ones in control of the way they look, and no other choice but to sit and stare. Judge even. I soon realise that I am not being stared at, at all. They are not looking for my imperfections (as I had once thought.) They are simply just looking for a distraction so they do not have to acknowledge their own.

Bye this time my hair is chopped, coloured, washed and combed, blow dried and hair sprayed right till every hair is in place. I again lift my head so I am directly facing the mirror...and I begin to stare at myself.
Feeling the complete opposite to how I had originally felt, looking in to that frightfully clean mirror. I smile to show the lady that I am pleased with the cut. Thanking and paying her I leave through the exit.

The gusts of wind immediately blows each hair on my head out of place. I brushed my hair out of my face and carry on walking down the street with my head held high. Suddenly realising I am again in the same position as I was in the salon. No hair. No make up. But without that dreaded mirror. I am not there to judge that stranger I was once looking at. I am now being judged by others, and that's certainly allot less scary than being judged by myself. No one judges us the way we judge ourselves. No one looks at those miner imperfections the way we look at our own. We are most definitely our own worst critics, and I do not know why we feel the need to be this way. Next time I am faced with myself. No hair. No make up. I think I will think much differently about myself.
Do not stare into a mirror when you are trying to solve a problem, simply take time to look away.   

liar liar.

Liar liar.
There are many types of lies, different types of lies are used for different reasons. These lies consist of:
The famous fib...
As children we are told many fibs. Not cruel or nasty ones. Just little ones to keep us from being mischievous and naughty. (fibs that make our parents life's easier)
For example.. 'Babies come from storks' 'Get to bed or Santa wont come' 'If you go in the flowers at the bottom of the garden the tooth fairy wont give you money, because you stamping on there homes' (probably only my parents who told me that one.) But so young and naive we all believe the fibs we are told.
The next type of lie. The most irritating type...
Blatant lies. When someone lies to impress people. Your lies are obviously not real. You are making a fool of yourself. Please stop. Nope.. or just carry on. (As they usually do) No one will say anything to this 'liar' they will just sit back and pretend to be convinced. (Until later when the liar is discussed to many and everyone has a giggle about their stupidity)
The next type of lie. The kind lie...
The lie you tell your friends to make them feels better, the lie men tell to there partners to get in the 'good books'.  For example 'Honey of course you look absolutely gorgeous in the mornings.' and 'He's a twat, you can do much better than him!' These are the good lies. The lies everyone uses every now and then, for the good of the world.
The last and worst type of lie..
The hurtful lie. Lies people tell (mainly to get themselves out of trouble) works to their advantage not to yours.                These lies are normally hurtful when found out. Embarrassing for the 'liar' and hurtful for you.
Liar liar.
'Fishing in a delusion of liars is today's world.'

Ouch a vicious dogs got my leg!

My belly hurts. I have eaten (waaaaaaay) to much junk. I need to to exercise. Sat here considering run? Not running. Running hurts. Need to run (looking at bulging stomach). Cant run to lazy. Have to run. Running...


Back from run. Ouch. 


Reminder- Never ever run on a full stomach. Never ever run in shoes to small for you with fat socks. Never ever run with shoe laces not done up (you will trip, and someone will be watching). Never ever run if you haven't warmed up (for more than 20 seconds). Never ever run again. (unless your being chased by a vicious hungry dog and or person) then and only then ill let you off. 


20 second warm up for a half an hour run, was not a good idea at all. My legs are in pain. My feet feel as if they have been moulded in to the shape of the god damn too small plimsolls. Eeeeeek. The back of my legs feel as if someone is squeezing them as hard as they can. This definitely is not a good feeling at all. I'm starting to think that run was maybe, possibly, the worst idea ever, and I probably burnt of about 10 calories inflicting pain upon myself. 
Why is it that on TV. On all those American movies. All the women who run have huge boobs, a tiny waist and long gorgeous hair that blows in the wind as they run? They don't even break a sweat! (oh... and they also manage to run in slow motion, what is quite impressive) Id like to think that's exactly what I look like when I run. But id be telling a complete lie. Oh please go away you stupid lactic acid. 


After that.. I have realised how incredibly unfit I have become during the holidays. (I am not at all surprised by this, as I haven't done much exercise, but get up to walk to the fridge.) So I have decided to stop being as lazy and try to do more exercise... I will have to apologise to my body now, and just pretend to it that I am being chased by a vicious dog! Yes. You know it's good for you Jennie. You know it is. Inflicting pain upon myself will be worth it in the end, when I am once again fit, and not close to dying every time I run up the stairs. :) 
I think now it is time for me to take a nap, feel sorry for myself and continue to moan. Good idea.

Finding yourself...

in·di·vid·u·al·i·ty

Define Individuality- the particular character, or aggregate of qualities, that distinguishes one person or thing from others; sole and personal nature: a person of marked individuality.

What makes each and everyone of us an individual?

 What is it that influences us to turn out to be who we are? What we are?

 So many possibilities, but do anyone of us really know? 

Name. Fashion sense. Religion. Finger Prints. Accents. D.N.A. Colour. Likes & Dislikes. Upbringing. Friends. Wealth. Even scent. All of them are a combination of what makes each and everyone of us an individual. 

One thing that completely, no doubt bugs the hell out of me. When someone copies you. When someone wants to do things like you, dress like you, say things like you, date the same people as you. Please stop pretending your me. Because that means who am I? I cant be me if your me. 

Being a individual is very important to me. I don't want to be the same as everyone else. I want to be my own person. I am my own person in fact. Everyone has there own style what they enjoy wearing what they feel they look good in, and it's not going to be the same as your best friend/idol/sibling. So stop copying one another. Don't be afraid to be your own person. 

Sometimes its a confidence thing. Some people don't feel confident enough in there own body to be who they really are, but if you think about it. If your not confident in your own body, who's body are you really going to feel comfortable in? A total stranger?
People in there own skin is the most attractive thing someone can be. People with there own style. People who aren't afraid to be themselves. I want more people like that in the world. Our world is full of individuals so stop copying one another and be your own person already.

We are all beautiful one way or another, so embrace that beauty in your own skin :)

Wear a smile - one size fits all.

So I am sat here feasting in to a bowl of delicious wheatoes (yummiest cereal ever), and it gets me thinking.. I remember how excited I used to get when I was a little kid, opening a fresh box of cereal, and finding the free toy! Scrambling inside the box with my (most probably) mucky hands, and to my delight finding it at the bottom of the box, it clasped between my fingers, pulling it out... and realising I already had it. But strangely still being satisfied? I love how at such a young age, such little things brought such excitement and delight. At that age there are no worries, everything is all fun and games.

Now at this age, it takes much more than a free toy to bring a smile to our faces (unfortunately).
Happiness. What is happiness? Happiness is different things for different people I guess. From love and friends to loud music and drugs. Everyone has a different perception of what happiness really is.
For me happiness is a range of things...

Laughs- surrounding myself with comic people makes me incredibly happy. I don't care if its the worst joke in the world I (will) laugh at your cheesiness and stupidity!
Expressing myself- I have found that I am a very creative person. Expressing myself is one way I stay happy.  I always seem more chirpy afterwards (whatever it is).
Cuddles- You can never have enough cuddles (unless your friends suffer from body odder)
Topshop- Hello Topshop. I love you and your delicious clothes.
Loved ones- Last but not least. You are the ones who widen my lips and make my cheeks sore, the ones who bring the real happiness in to my life. :)

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.

Uh Oh...

Last night was definitely a experience and a half.
My night consisted of:
Moody (PMT) taxi driver. Who demanded more money after dropping us at the wrong place.
15 minute walk to where we originally wanted to go!
Sheep with woolly bollocks possibly the size of my head (I'm not even kidding)
The most compact and tiniest, lowest ceilinged farm house ever known to man.
Someone's mothers vagina cream. (stops itching and irritation FAST!) - used as hand cream.
Half naked swimming in a paddling pool at 3am. - incredibly cold
Kong Fu fighting.
One single bed, a mattress and itchy double bed between 9.

Being a tall claustrophobic in a hot and junk filled, low ceilinged, and wall eating house... Definitely a bad idea.
My stomach hurts from laughter. As soon as we arrive we really don't know what else to do.. But laugh in hysterics. The farm animals are growling and moaning. My palms are sweating. My cheeks are hurting, and I need a alcoholic beverage.  The wine definitely helps the situation.
We come across a range of hysterical items including.. Hundreds of thousands of Pokamon cards, (and I means hundreds of thousands!) Blood stained sheets. Holes in walls (in the strangest of places). Sticky carpets, and the largest tube of vagina cream (ever). Oh I really don't think I have ever been in so much pain from laughter. I beg for the hysterics to stop. Totally waisted at this point. We decided to take a dip in the pool (when I say pool.. I mean above average size paddling pool) Clothes off. Entire body in. Bad idea. I could have sworn my heart stopped beating. I do not think I have ever been that cold in my entire life. Pins and needles shoot up my legs and arms. It felt as if the blood in my body was freezing by the second. I couldn't get out quick enough.
Had enough of the cold and the farm animals, the sticky socks and banging my head on the incredibly low ceilings. 4am I hit the sheets to secure a space in the itchy double bed. My head throbs. Ouch. Eventful night.

Losing track.

So as I am on my summer holidays right now.. I have begun to realise that I have totally lost track of everything. Time. Date. Day. Waking up at 2pm everyday, and falling asleep at 3am. I really need to sort this out, before I start sixth form in September! It's currently around half 4 and I am not get even washed.
I am not complaining though... I don't have love my lie in's.
Is it just me, or does everyone else dream 10 million times more than you normally would if you have a lie in?
I have recently heard you also dream about the things you worry about? So this morning.. forcing myself to go back to sleep, after waking up half way through the most peculiar dream, I turn over, wrap my duvet around me, and continue on in to the land of nod. I dream that I was being chased? I do not remember who was chasing me... But It was in a meadow.. I was running pretty fast, and all of a sudden I trip. As I trip I fall in to a huge hole? (Is this beginning to sound a little like Alice and wonderland?) Well I am falling and I land in a huge box.. In this box their are many people that I do not know, and I find myself to shy to even open my mouth? Yes my mouth has been sealed closed! I then awake in a panic! So... in a groggily state my first reaction was huh? followed by a rush of confusion and questioning myself..What am I meant to be worrying about? Loosing my voice?  Being chased in a meadow?... But as I begin to wake up a little more, lying in my bed, not yet ready to move and or start the day. I have a good think what the dream really could mean, and what am I actually worrying about? (quite sad I know.. But this dream made me really quite curious)
I then began to think that maybe the thing I was running away from was the past, and the thing I was possibly running to was the future. Falling in that hole was maybe the unexpected future coming quicker than I had once thought. But as I have been wishing for the future to begin as quickly as possible once it has.. actually realising it was not at all as I had hoped. and beginning to appear a lot tougher than I had originally expected it. (if that makes any sense at all to you possible readers). Probably not. As it made absolutely no sense to me reading it back.. I want to know the meaning of dreams. Maybe that dream was a sign I should enjoy life right now, and maybe stop wishing time away?... I really have no clue. If any of you do find the cause of these crazy mind fucks please feel free to let me know :)

Hopes & Dreams.

Today has been a thinking day. You know them quite days, you spend  just thinking (lots). Well yes one of those... I have decided once I hit 18 I want to go to university, I have always known this, but recently decided I want to go somewhere out of the country. America I was thinking. I will soon be starting my A levels and have decided that, I am really going to try my very hardest! Put everything I can in to them, and really put them first, so I can get the best grades possible. (get my head in the books) as they say. :)
I know this is a long way off now, but I like to think ahead.

I have a friend who lives in New York and im incredibly envious of him. His life seems to be so much more exciting than mine as well. When I speak to him he's always busy doing somthing planning somthing. Why cant I live a busy exciting life like that?
for example.. Today he is auditioning for american idol? Today... I walked in to Huntingdon town centre, to buy some mini jelly dolphins... (to realise it was a bank holiday, and the shops weren't even open). Genius Jennie. Genius.
Here are some reasons I would like to move to America...
-I find the American accent incredibly sexy on men.
-Americans are extremly polite and layed back. (not at all like the English)
-Change is a good thing.
-Change will bring excitment.
-I want to feast my mouth round a huge American burger (whenever i want)

-Plus being a English girl in a American city will give me a huge advantage!
I have a long wait yet... till then ill try making my life as exciting as possible!

Still slightly disappointed i didn't get my jelly dolphins :( My belly was craving them pretty bad.

A drop in the ocean a change in the weather...

This morning i woke up rather confused. I know why. But i will not mention on here for the world to see. I think it's incredibily strange how easily your emotions can be played with, tugged around, tied in knots then carefully warmed up again. Just with a flick of a switch.
As my day has progressed i have begun to feel alot better, speaking to people who make me smile and looking forward to the day ahead...
it is currently 4:10pm and i am still not dressed. I am incredibily lazy. As you'v most probably realised by now. if i could stay in my PJ's all day i really would! and the days i can.. i do!
Tonight i am going out for a meal with the girls.. im really quite excited. (The Girls) consist of 5 of us friends from school, who have been friends for many years now, we have slowly begun to part in the last few years. Meeting new friends and not seeing as much of each other. Hardly ever meeting up as a 5 at all. 
This may be the last time the 5 of us are all together though as this meal is a goodbye meal for one of the girls. She's moving across the ocean to the States.
I do envy her a little, i wish i could start fresh somewhere brand new, new surroundings, new people, new life. I crave excitment and change. I really do wish it could be that easy, it's really not at all. I want to experience life at it's best.. but i feel as if i am stuck in a little box being my age, in this little town.
'it's like wishing for rain as i stand in a desert' - as Ron Pope would say.