To many words for one day.. Or to many for a life time.

I haven't posted in a while, so im sorry if anyone still making the effort to read this... Studying is smuggling all of my attention right now, I have just finished writing a 500 word essay and now on to write a 1500 word one.. brilliant. Typing, writing, drawing, mostly doodling on the side of my book. Im back in to the whole school thing and im taking things seriously. Things seem hard, and I sat in the exam hall with butterflies in my stomach waiting for the test to start. This test was pointless it does not matter if I pass or fail it's just for predicted grades, basically an IQ test.. but im not gona lie.. I reckon I guessed about 85% of that paper (and im not even kidding.) oh B hasn't come up in a while.. ill scribble that stupid little box in. Jennie Storey IQ- 4.
Cant wait for those results!.. or not. So I didn't realise how much I had actually missed writing.. not writing what the teachers saying or writing what's in the person book to your right. But writing what your feeling, letting things out. I have missed it. That's quite sad for me to admit that really but I have..I love writing and I have only just realised how much.
So anyway.. I really feel as if im progressing in life at the moment I feel as if im say, 'biting the bullet' more.. talking to more people not being afraid to say what's on my mind, and being my own person.. and we all know how hard that can be when meeting new people. But it's become easier than I had once thought. I feel as if since going to sixth form I have already become a better painter and become more confident through drama. Im learning skills everyday that will help me progress in further life. Although I unfortunately made a mistake of quitting my job.. which leaves me with no (much needed) money! Darrrn. So the hunt for a job will continue! After now writing another 200 words, I have decided against writing that 1500 word essay this evening. I think it's time to hit the sheets before my words start to look like upside numbers and arrows, and also possibly Roman numerals. To many words for one day..

I thought a thought, but the thought I thought, wasn't the thought, that I thought I thought?

So every since I got that fresh start that I had been asking for, I have just been feeling like there is something missing.. I do not know what. I just cant put my finger on it. But something is definitely missing. Things are different yes. But was that really what I wanted? Change? Maybe there isn't something missing, maybe it's just me missing the past. I really don't know. I keep persuading myself that it's just the sudden change, and it might be? Maybe all this changing schools has flustered me and kicked out the norm? I just don't know.. But I think it's time to forget about what's missing, and maybe now think about what's actually there, right in front of me. Focus on that.. Not that I know what that is yet, but ill figure it out soon.
Enough about the confusion, and on to the school.. So it's gigantic, and I mean huge! I have lost count, how many times that I have gotten lost and had to be pointed in the right direction.. then turned up to class late embarrassed and flustered. Great start. Everyone's lovely, no evil looks or snide comments.. maybe that's what's missing.. (pfffft yeah right!). No really everyone's been incredibly welcoming, what really helps. Most of my teachers have boring one tone voices that echo through your ears, in a huge drone. So when I have drama it's a relief, my teacher is mad. Her hair is big and wavy, just like her personality.. Her face is old a few wrinkles here and there, but she's a pretty woman and she's acts as if she is our age. I love it! She makes the whole class brighten up and automatically feel enthusiastic about work. (yes work) not like my so called art teacher..  Gosh that class is a drone and you could here a pin drop in that classroom.
The actual house the sixth formers study in is incredible, it's almost like a castle.. There are paintings on the walls from a hundred years ago, the staircases almost look like they are about to get up and change direction, just like they do in Harry Potter. I keep pressing the walls looking for secret doorways, and staring at the pictures waiting to catch out one of the people in the paintings, and see them blink! So all's new and dandy and apart from the tip toeing around the art room, the boring droning of the teachers and that thing that I cant quite put my finger on, all is good and I hope for things to keep improving.. and maybe ill catch one of those blinkers on the walls if I keep my eyes out.

the future is always beginning now.

So everything seems to be going good right now, that new start and the excitment that I have been looking for, has finally arrived! Starting a new school, new subjects new people, new surroundings. I love it. This is what I have been craving. I also quit my job (with no other job for back up), and I know your saying what?! because its so hard to get a job for us youngsters now a days. But after working in that salon a year just simply cleaning. Nothing else but full on scrubbing and dusting and pulling my back, I had to leave! I recently realised that working there has damaged my back (bad times). So glad I finished when I did. Although it was incredibly sad, saying goodbye to the people that I had grown close to over the past year. So life is fresh and new right now! I have things to look forward to and things to look forward to leaving behind. I know it's not going to be easy.. Life never is. But im going to put my all in to 6Th form and work hard to find a new and better paid job!
Im hoping that the excitement will continue and life carries on the way it is right now. I hope for non of those bumps in the road but there hard to prevent, if we can at all? I keep thinking back to everything that's happened this year the good and the bad, and I try not to regret anything because it's brought me to where I am now. But I cant help that think if some things I didn't do... maybe life would be even sweeter? I cant change back time so there's no point fretting about it. I try to think to the future and what the rest of this year will bring, (not that there's much left of it.) I really cant believe how fast this year has gone by! But I hope the rest of the year is kind to me and brings me happiness, I really cant wait to see what the future holds.
"I am not afraid of tomorrow, as I have seen yesterday and love today" 

Gliding paths with a liar.

I wake up this morning to a text on my phone. My eyes scroll the screen and my heart drops. I have glided paths with one of those liars I spoke about in one of my former blogs, what a fantastic way to start my day? Now before you ask.. Yes. It was the worst kind of liar. The hurtful liar. This is what I wrote about a 'hurtful liar' in my past blog- A hurtful lie are lies people tell (mainly to get themselves out of trouble) works to their advantage not to yours. These lies are normally hurtful when found out. Embarrassing for the 'liar' and hurtful for you. Now from experiencing hurtful liars even further.. I would like to now add to that.. A hurtful liar is also someone who has no other feeling for anyone but themselves, there glory is the only thing they care about. They will lie and lie and lie a little more even if they are caught out they will (most probably) continue to lie. 


So this morning after reading the text, I couldn't get back to sleep, I lay awake in my bed just simply staring up at the textured ceiling and following the textured lines with my eyes. I felt blank. I felt hurt. This isn't the first time either. This is a multiple time hurtful liar that I am dealing with.. I lay awake waiting for a reply but I know that it is far to early to be getting that. I ring twice and no answer. Thoughts rush through my head and anger starts to build. The day that I was originally looking forward to has now turned to a downer, and all I want is to get things straight. It's my word against yours and that's what is has come to? 


It shocks me that you could act this way behind my back. A friend who tells lie's and hurts you? Their not a friend at all. What's it for? A little man glory? A pat on the back "nice one man." But in reality you do not look good at all. When you get found out you'l be embarrassed and small, and probably carry on telling those sweet lies of yours. Your pretty convinced? I'm pretty convinced your a twat. Now go cross those fingers behind your back and hope they believe you, because I'm not letting you run away with my dignity.